Happy Birthday Babies

In a gesture of unabashed sentimentality, here is a video that tries to sum up this past year.

Glad I'm Not a Pioneer Woman

Because I wouldn't have the internet to save me from messing up my progeny.

I've started to think it wasn't JUST the influenza, hostile natives, gunslinging infighting, or lack of medical care that accounted for high infancy mortality rates back in the day. Seriously. How did anybody survive parenting without the internet? I guess sending the Pony Express to your Mom to ask for help probably wasn't the greatest intervention. 

(If I met a pioneer woman, I would totally give her a fist pump to show my admiration)

Thanks everyone for all your responses to my Call for Help.  I got some great feedback (some emails, phone calls, FB messages). Awesome.  You know that whole- "Takes a Village to Raise You Some Youngins" idiom? Trust.

Because when you're in the trenches of parenthood and can't tell your thumb from a sausage, you need the outsider to come along, pat you on the shoulder, and say "Hey, You're really screwing the pooch over there. Try this."

And one can't underestimate the power of a solidarity-filled "Me too. Me too...."  Sometimes that "me too" is more refreshing than handing me a cocktail (also welcome).

It's funny how having kids can make you lose your damn mind.

(Quick update- The kids slept through the night Friday and then were back to their old shenanigans Saturday. We're learning...)

Stay tuned for the next parenting disaster. Because I will need your help fo sho.

What I Want for Christmas

.... is a good night's sleep.

This is a cry for help.

Remember how I talked about our trip to Tennessee? Remember how I talked about the babies being sick?

Well, right before all that was the last time Brendan & I had a good night's slumber.

At first it was because we were travelling & the babies woke up crazy early (think 4am) & had trouble napping on the trip.

Then it was because Cassidy was sick & waking up in the night & then waking up Finn & we had stereo babies at 3am, 4:30am, 5am, etc. & I almost took out stock in Starbucks right then.

And since then- Well, that's what we're trying to figure out.

My Number 1 Theory?

The Bottle Theory.

Once they started crawling & eating solids, The Bottle lost its luster:  Graham crackers are yummier! There are dog bowls to go splash, fireplaces to lick, and power cords to stick up the nose! Laying still long enough to suck down a couple ounces of feet-flavored formula is a nuisance!

And around the time Cassidy got sick, we made a magical discovery. The babies eat GREAT when they're lying in their cribs. Finally! They were getting the milk they needed! Another magical discovery- Giving babies a bottle when putting them down meant they went to sleep without.any.crying.  I thought I had discovered the holy grail of quiet, fat babies.

Chalk another one up to "Things I said I would never do but then I had me some baybees and eats my foot daily." (Please put your horror face away)

And then Brendan & I noticed they still weren't sleeping through the night. At least one will wake up at 3am wanting a bottle. And they don't really like to eat their bottles any other time.

We tried feeding them more food.
We tried giving formula in sippies.
Because they're hungry right?

And then, a light bulb and the Bottle Theory was born.

Last night I was all "Hellz no. No more bottles in bed!"

And Cassidy screamed for a straight hour at 4am. And Brendan gave me sleepy mad eyes all morning.

HELP INTERWEBS!

I could really use:

1. Suggestions on how to get the baybees to eat formula again.
2. Suggestions on how to get the baybees to sleep again.

Ancillary questions:

1. How much formula should I be aiming for? We're lucky to hit 16 ounces. And Cassidy only had 9 yesterday.
2. Sippy cups are not yet working. Is there a way to make them enticing to fireplace lickers?

I'm too tired to figure out this puzzle on my own...

This sleepy family thanks you.

Christmas in the Digital Age

I love this.

A Nativity for 2010

Merry Christmas!

Ring a Bell & I Salivate

I'm Pavlov's bitch.

No. Really. As someone who studied A LOT of psychology, I know about things like conditioning, how to manipulate people shape behaviors into something good. 

I thought all this glorious knowledge would serve me well in Motherhood. 

Well, Universe. Joke's on me. 

I first got suspicious when the babies were just a couple months old. And now, it's a fact. I'm the one inside Skinner's box, pushing a lever frantically, hoping for my pellet. And the one pulling the strings? 

His name is Finn. 

He's 11.5 months old. 

He's an Evil Genius.

It goes like this- 

Finn plays happily. I'm in some other room minding my biznass.

I walk by/enter room/have my entrance announced on the loud speaker.

Finn sees me.

Finn cries hysterically.

I pick him up.

Finn stops crying and acts smug.

Finn begins plotting a global takeover/fixing the federal budget/solving homelessness

To my credit? Finn's cry is like fire on my skin. 

Plus he's super cute & cuddly, helmet or no.

Who could resist a face like that?  

Well played, Finnegan. Well played.

Tomfoolery

I have a love affair with certain words.

Love Affair.

Like, I will use words when it is completely inappropriate just because I like the way they taste in my mouth.

Tomfoolery

Extravaganza

Extraordinaire

Conniption

Copasetic

Remedy

Arbitrary

And of course I make up words. Just because.

(I think this blog post gets 1 star)

Tired

I'm so tired, I can't even think of anything to blog about.

I'm lame.

But sometimes a full-time job, a private practice on the side, 2 small babies, and an endless list of house projects catches up to me. Add Christmas to that pile and you have one pitiful blogger.

I see why moms abuse Ritalin.

(FYI- Do not search Google's "Moms on Ritalin" images. BAM! Porn Slap to the eyes!)

Best Laid Plans

Our Christmas cards are a disaster.

I had this vision in my head for our Christmas card photos.

I spent weeks thinking about it.

No, really. Weeks.

And I'm cheap, so I didn't hire a professional photographer.

So- best of intentions, a decent camera, good lighting, and a baby wrangler were no match for the babies and their agenda of "Can't sit still! Shiny! Gotta Go! KThanx Byeee!"

Oh well. If only you could see the magic that is the imaginary photo montage in my head.

The Puppy Debate

Sometimes my husband loses his damn mind

Like when he decides we should get another dog (we go through this every 2 months or so).

Brendan: I think we should get another puppy. Look at this one I found on the internet!
Me: No Way
Brendan: So, can we get it?
Me: No
Brendan: We can go get it tomorrow!
Me: No
Brendan: Look at this face! Say "Hi Puppy." The puppy loves you. She wants to come home with us. (starts shoving the laptop in my face)
Me: No. And it does not love me. Let's talk about this tomorrow...
Brendan: Don't call the puppy "It!" She has a name. Her name is Greta! Look at this face!
Me: No way. We're not getting another dog.
Brendan: Poor Puppy... No one to love her at Christmas time. It could be our Christmas puppy! Who would reject a Christmas puppy? You know who? Somebody dead inside, that's who...

Christmas Puppy says "Bah Humbug"

11 Months

11 Months. Hot diggity dog.

Cassidy Likes:  

Waving

Singing Along as We Sing

Standing & Bouncing

Graham Crackers

The Dog Bowl

Eating Paper
Being Held & Cuddled When She Feels Poorly

Cassidy Does Not Like:
Having Her Nose Wiped
Being Forced to Sit
Having Her Face Wiped
Turkey & Other Thanksgiving Fare

 

Finn Likes:

Being Held

Graham Crackers

Giving Kisses

Army Crawling

Standing

The Play Table (this falls under the category "obsession")
Dog Kisses
Bathtime

Finn Does Not Like:
His Bottle During the Day
Being Put on his Back
Strangers
Teething
Cassidy Trying to Take His Toys

Is it bad that I'm relieved the babies are about to turn a year old and I don't feel like I need to keep doing these monthly pictures? They have turned into an ORDEAL.

OR.DEAL.

The babies spend the whole time trying to base jump off the chair, crawling all over each other, or trying to make their escape.

 

If you can't beat em, join em, right?

Faces of Finn

Finn has been making a lot of faces lately. Here's a little taste of this bugger's Jim Carrey impressions.

Cassidy's First Stand

We had ourselves a magical evening.

It started with a crazy crawl...

And turned into this

Can you believe it?