Why You Never See Pictures of Me

...that I don't take myself with my iphone.

This was as good as it got....

Oh well.

How to Blog: A Blog Conference Recap

So, I did it. I put on my big girl pants, swallowed my school-girl anxiety, and trekked off to bloggy boot camp in Denver last Saturday to learn how to blog- better.

I don't know if y'all noticed, but not only did I receive some massive peer pressure to attend this thing, but a certain conference head (cough- Tiffany- cough), commented that I needed to suck it up and attend.  Turns out, peer pressure works.  And my big mouth created an awkward enough situation to necessitate my attendance. 

FYI- I didn't even have a chance to put down my bag when I was handed about 12 business cards from gals at my table.  The conversation was friendly- "What kind of blog do you have?" "Where do you live?" "What do you want from today?" 

And I realized my main goal was to learn how to blog. Better.

How to Blog Wisdom from the Blogging Pros:

1. I need to drop blogspot like it's hot. I have my own domain but I've been puttering around about moving the blog. Mainly cause I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to data and all that jazz. Which leads to number deux.

2. I need to not pretend to be good at things I'm not good at- Like understanding code, or fonts, or what looks pretty. I really need to suck it up and hire somebody to move and design my blog. No really. I need to get over myself and just.do.it.

3. If I want to be intentional about my traffic, I need to actually do some keyword research.  Maybe that won't stop the skeezer who is googling "clap my ass" and "milk boobs" but at least people might be like, "Oh hello! Pleasant surprise! This blog actually is what I'm looking for!" Imagine that.

4.There are opportunities in blogging.  Opportunities I might be ignoring. 

5. Figure out my identity and put it on the internet. Call it a brand, call it a promise, but it's important.

And on a more personal note, I learned this:

Somewhere along the line, I have become an introvert. Full-on, hair chewing introvert.  I don't know what happened. But it's good to push yourself out of a comfort zone, grab a decaf coffee, and have a little small talk now and then.  Because one final note about how to blog better- make friends and get yourself a community already. You won't be sorry.

I'm Having a Hysterical Pregnancy Symptom Kind of Day. You?

So I've been feeling sorry for myself a lot lately.  You know when you're all PMS-Queen and you feel like you're having pregnancy symptoms and you work too much and you kind of want to die?

A couple weeks ago I called Brendan as I drove into work (after a full day of work) and had a meltdown.

"I'm soooo tired! I've been drinking coffee all day and I can't wake up!"  Sob. Sob.

Not to mention, my running had completely fallen apart because all of a sudden I had gone from running 2 miles regularly to hardly being able to finish a mile to hardly making it through a song.

And then I started to feel sick from all the caffeine I was taking in. After completing a cup of joe I had a little rendez-vous with the bathroom.

Plus I was a bloat queen and generally felt like crap. I started to joke that I was having hysterical pregnancy symptoms in my head.

What was WRONG with me?


Stress? Working all the time?


Not so much.

Turns out hysterical pregnancy symptoms sometimes = gestating an actual human being.

Life is funny sometimes.

Booty Camp Dropout

No graduation day for me....

I have a spot at the bloggy boot camp coming down the street this Saturday.  About a couple weeks ago I realized it was coming. Like one of these...

Ah will get you, you big fat poser. Chomp.

And I sort of had an anxiety attack.  In my head I imagine everyone is going to be clammoring for attention, passing around bloggy business cards, and tossing their hair while I hyperventilate in a bathroom stall somewhere- sans business cards.

This really all started with the business cards. I was reading some tweets about BlogHer and all the business cards people collected from one another. And then I thought, "Do I need those?" And then I thought, "I'm just a hobbyist! A card means I'm really trying!"  This was followed by "I'm a POSER! This isn't me! What am I doing?"

And then I realized that I don't think I can go to this thing on Saturday. I think I'd rather sit on my couch at home.  No business cards. No small talk. No anxiety attacks.

Thoughts?

It's Like Twilight Up In Here

Cassidy, our sweet little peanut baby has gone carnivore recently.

Finn looks like he's been attacked by a baby shark, he's got bite marks all over his hands and arms.

Food Tastes Bad. Send More People.

I think we can rule out teething because it usually goes down like this:


Finn sees that Cassidy has a toy he wants. Old Testament-flavored lust ensues over said toy.

Grabbing.

Cassidy eats his arm Hannibal style.

We've tried time-outs. They worked at first and now we're back to the fava been and nom!nom!nom! AAAAAAAAH!!!!

Time outs are doing nothing. Websites validate that the smaller, weaker twin is often a flesh-eating monster in multiple situations.  But they offer no helpful suggestions other than offering your baby some Beef Jerky or call your local VooDoo lady.

Help?

My Kids Will Jack Your Chi

It's language town up in this mug.  With the introduction of our new nanny last week, she's working really hard on teaching them new words and encouraging them to talk.

They're a little language delayed so I'm all about this.

One of the words they're using now- Dog.  Only, it sounds like "Gah!"

So, Saturday we go to the park for some play time.  And there's this huge group of people spread out on the grass all around the playground.  They're contorted and stretched and there are bongos playing.

For a second I thought I had stumbled onto some cult moment ala Indiana and the Temple of Doom.

But it was just a massive yoga class.

The leader is speaking in his chi-inducing tone-  "Stretch your toes behind your ear and feel your goddess within..."

The music is chanting, "oom ba la oom ba yaaaaa"

And then somebody walks by with their dog.

I will terrorize your Warrior One

"GAH! GAAAAH!"

oom ba la oom ba yaaaa

"Feel your goddess..."

"GAAAAAAAH! GAH! GAH! GAH! GAAAAAAH!"

I think I saw a few downward dogs give me a dirty look.

Ah, serenity.