With All the Gnashing Of Teeth, You'd Think We Were Shakespeare Up In Here

Behold, the 2 year-old just told "No, You can't play with Mama's camera."

Oh, the humanity...

Thank goodness SOMEBODY still loves him...

Uni-Thigh Is The New Uni-Boob

My brother just graduated from grad school. (Holler at my bro!)

Guess what that meant? No...guess.

It meant I had to retire my sweats for a day and put on some thing fancy pantsy.

The Horror.

I knew it was going to be a challenge. The post-baby weight loss has stalled at an unacceptable place. A place that falls within the "acceptable weight gain guidelines for pregnant gals." Which meant, I basically still look pregnant. 5 weeks post-partum.

Un.Acceptable.

Then throw in the fact that maternity pants are too big, fat pants are too small, and I needed to be able to whip out some ta-tas at any given moment and you have yourself a storm of shiteousness.

After a few crying jags in my walk-in, I pulled it together with the help of my Mom, recalled black is my bestie, and scrounged up some stretchy skirts.

I also added "Buy Spanx" to my to-do.

Sigh....

In Hiding

So, I've been doing this maternity leave thing the last 2.5 weeks. It's been pretty chill if you don't count the crazy loud hammering, furniture moving, drywalling, milking, and twin caterwalling up in this mug. 

Things I've learned in the last 3 weeks:

* I can push a baby out of my body at lightening speed

* I can push a baby out of my body with no medication but I can't maintain my composure while doing so. Things screamed during labor: "No! No! No!" (this was my favorite), "I'm leaving!", "Something's wrong!" and "Stop touching me!"

* My twins are sibling rockstars. The jealousy is minimal. Tantrums have only slightly increased. And they love their baby sister to death. Literally to death. They try to smother her with blankets and their huge ass toddler bodies during lovefest hugs. Supervision is a must.

* We have crazy awesome support from the grandparent posse and co-workers and nannies. People like us in real life even though we're moderately offensive type people (at least I am). On second thought, they must really like Brendan. And babies.

* I could medal in extreme lack of sleep. Send me to London and I will kick some international tail in this event.

* One baby is a piece of cake. Delicious nom, nom baby cake. That wants to be held all day and all night. And gets sweaty. Who knew newborns got so sweaty?

* Combine house renovation, new baby, lack of sleep, twin toddlers, and some residual work (yes, work)- I might retreat into hiding to chew on my hair and rock back and forth mumbling to myself. It's nothing personal. I still love you. I just might not respond to your text or phone call for a few days.