I count myself lucky to have him. He's an amazing husband and father and he's pretty much my rock.
But I had to wade through a lot of sleaze before I found him. And I was reminded of this as I sat in my car yesterday and watched some shmuck sexually harass a young woman.
She was pushing a stroller down the sidewalk. And as she approached him, he said something to this effect: "Ooooh Baby, you look so good today. Ooooh."
At first I thought he knew her. And after she passed him, he stopped walking and continued to stare at her, calling out, "Ooooh. You look so good. Yes! Thank you! You made my day!"
She kept walking. She never looked at him. And I realized he didn't know her. What in the ever living fuckery? What ever happened to "Hi"?
This man reeked of sexual entitlement. He clearly thought this poor woman was there for his pleasure. And he wasn't interested in her as a person. He didn't ask her name or how she was doing. He had no interest in getting to know her. She was just a collection of body parts. Puke. And I can bet he's never been faithful to a woman in his life.
So, ladies and gentlemen, here are my Do's and Don'ts for evaluating if you've got yourself a quality man:
- Look for a man who has realistic goals. If his goal is to become famous, run away like you're Flock of Seagulls.
- Look for a man who likes you. For you. And you're enough.
- Look for a man who has friends. If you're his only friend, you're going to end up with a Stage 5 Clinger on your hands.
- Look for a man who shares your values.
- Look for a man who gives you special tingles. If you have to close your eyes and imagine Matt Damon every time you kiss, you're in trouble.
- Date the guy who calls you "Baby," "Sweetie," "Hot Cakes," or any derivative therein when he first approaches you.
- Date the guy who is interested in you sometimes, only on Tuesdays, when he needs something, or at 11pm on Saturday nights.
- Date the guy who has never had a "real job" because he's working on his novel, recording his album, or waiting for the "next big thing."
- Date the guy in jail.
- Date the guy who calls women "bitches," "hoes," and "chicks." Or the guy who's always talking about other women.
- Date the guy who tries to change you, tells you you're "crazy" or "jealous," and all your relationship problems are because of you. And don't date the guy you want to change. You want to be a girlfriend, not a mother.
- Date the guy who makes you cry.
Because every woman and gay man deserves a man like my boo. He's the wind beneath my wings. And I know he's going to help me raise another good man. So, thanks again to my in-laws for raising this fine male specimen. You did good. Happy birthday, Brendan.
Any Do's and Don'ts you would add to my list? Share!